CONFESSIONS OF A PASTOR

     When I see a dentist, I think of how many times I have brushed my teeth.  When I see my banker, I wonder if I need to balance my account.  When I see my doctor, I realize it is time for an annual physical.  When I see athletes, I think of my own exercise or lack of it.  What comes to your mind when you see or think of a pastor?  Many people see us notches above the rest of  humanity.  And to be sure, more is expected of leaders.  But I share with you a few confessions from a pastor.
     First, I am tempted like everyone else.  A lot of people think that pastors are immune from moral failings of other people like stealing, lying, or being sexually unfaithful.  That is why the moral failings of pastors make such big news.  Long ago I accepted the fact that I am human and can fail like anyone else.  Several years ago when our children were home, my wife, Marie, and I took our four children to KC to eat out.  On the way out of the restaurant, I saw $100 in $20 bills lying at the door.  That would help a lot toward paying bills that go toward rearing children!  But Marie and I looked at each other and we both knew that someone had dropped the money on the way into the restaurant.  We went back in and found the very grateful people who were looking for their money.  No one would have known.  We were tempted.
     Second, I don't always like doing ministry.  Now, I have to tell you that it is a great joy to serve as a pastor and the people of FBC have been supportive through the years.  I wouldn't have done anything else!  However, there are times when I have not felt like preaching, conducting weddings, or performing funerals.  I recall the story of the son who was awakened by his mother and told it was time to get ready to go to school.  He complained, made all kinds of excuses, and pleaded not to go.  Finally, his mother exclaimed, "Honey, you are the principal now and so you have to go!"  I agree with whoever said that one aspect of maturity is doing what we need to do even when we don't fell like it.  For the most part, I find that "doing" ministry brings back the "feeling" good about doing ministry.
     Third, I make mistakes. Someone has said that when pastors get together they either "complain" or "brag."  (This is not a tendency just among pastors!)  It is easy to slip into a fellowship of criticizing all the things that are wrong in church members.  And it is also easy to slip into bragging about attendance, baptisms, building programs, and ministries.  What is more challenging is to celebrate victories where appropriate and to admit mistakes when they are made.  I have had more victories than I deserve.  But I also have made my share of mistakes.  Like everyone else, I have to apologize and go on.
     Fourth, I hurt like other people.  People get hurt in churches sometimes by fellow members and sometimes by staff members.  But I also get hurt.  God has taught me through the years not to take things personally, but I still get hurt.  Someone has said, "A pastor has to learn how to toughen his skin without hardening his heart."  The other day I was speaking with a hospital chaplain who formerly served as a pastor.  When I asked why he left serving as a pastor, he said, "You win people to Christ, baptize them, marry their kids, bury their dead, and then they get mad and leave."  I laughed out loud!  What he was describing is something I have experienced.  I guess I wouldn't be worth my salt if I got to the place where I couldn't feel hurt.  However, I can't dwell on hurts.  I must move on.
     Fifth, I have spiritual needs like everyone else.  The practice of ministry requires being in touch with a lot of religioius matters.  One has to prepare sermons, plan worship, and that takes a lot of time in Bible study and thoughtful prayer.  However, the prepartion of sermons and leading in worship doesn't translate einto spiritual nurture and growth.  I face the same kinds of distractions that others face that would keep my life out of focus.  When the Apostle Paul compares the living of the Christian faith as a race, he becomes very personal:  "So I do not run aimlessly nor do I box as though beating the air; but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to others I myself should not be disqualified."  (I Corinthians 9:26, 27)
     Not every pastor may share the same thoughts.  I would not intend to express the experience of other pastors.  I only know my own feelings.  Hopefully they will contribute to better understanding about the role of the pastor.

BACK TO ROOTS

     This Saturday, September 11, Marie and I will take a trip to central MO and visit the Hickory Hill Baptist Church which is celebrating her 150th birthday.  Marie was "born and reared" in the church.  She is the youngest of six children born to Herbert and Ruth Hahn, who lived about a mile from the church.  Earl, Marie's brother, still lives near the area as do her sister, Bertha Busch, and sister, Ruth Jane "Janie" Morrow.  Earl and Curt Busch are still active deacons in the congregation.
     My father, Charles Cox, served as pastor from appropoximately 1962 to 1966.  It was during those years that I first met Marie Hahn.  I "robbed the cradle."  She was almost 18 and I was 23 when we were married.  Our friend, Ortrie Smith, has always said she was "40" when she was born!  Reared in GAs (Girl's Auxiliary and playing the piano) Marie felt God's call on her life at a young age.  We started dating in 1969 and married in 1971.  We were married in the church and my father, Charles Cox, performed the ceremony.
     While a student at Southwest Baptist University I began to feel God's nudging to serve as a pastor.  It was at Hickory Hill Baptist Church that I preached my first sermon.  With several type written pages in hand, I finished the sermon in about 10 minutes and went home with aches like the flu.  I told my Dad I might never do that again.  But the people were patient and the Lord was gracious. Hickory Hill Baptist Church licensed me to preach.
     Marie and I will be buried in the Hickory Hill Cemetary which is "out back" of the church facilities.  We would already have a stone up but Marie thinks she is too young to think about those things!  Looking forward to seeing friends and sharing some thoughts about the past and future.  Also looking forward to a delicous meal.  Regardless of how fancy the restaurant or expensive the fare, some of the best food I have ever eaten has been in the basement of Baptist Churches.  (We can out do the Methodists any old day).
     Where would we be without roots?  Thank God for them.